We'll start with the first personality test I took a number of years back, which was from a book called "Personality Plus" by Florence Littauer. My good friend Loraine lent me the book and after I took the test and read my personality traits, I was positively blown away. Ms Littauer says that, as discovered by Hippocrates, there are four basic personality traits:
Choleric: This is the commander-type. Cholerics are dominant, strong, decisive, stubborn and even arrogant.
Melancholy: This is the mental-type. Their typical behaviour involves thinking, assessing, making lists, evaluating the positives and negatives, and general analysis of facts.
Sanguine: This is the social-type. They enjoy fun, socialising, chatting, telling stories - and are fond of promising the world, because that's the friendly thing to do.
Phlegmatic: This is the flat-type. They are easy going, laid back, nonchalant, unexcitable and relaxed. Desiring a peaceful environment above all else.
So which am I? Are you all guessing yet? Well, like all of us, I turned out to be a combination of each of the types. No suprises, I scored the least in choleric - not too much of the bossy in me, really! Second-least was sanguine - I'm way too introverted for that. My second-top was Melancholy, which explains why I sometimes get into a "funk", but by far - I'm talking 20% majority - my top trait was Phlegmatic. Bet you didn't see that one coming, hey?
Do I agree with this? To a point, yes I do. My default is not to make waves, to as far as possible live at peace with everyone, not in a tree-hugging kum-ba-ya sort of way, but in that life's too short to be petty and small-minded and want to argue every single point. So overall, yes, I definitely agree that I am a phlegmatic. However, let's get specific.
Do I agree with this? To a point, yes I do. My default is not to make waves, to as far as possible live at peace with everyone, not in a tree-hugging kum-ba-ya sort of way, but in that life's too short to be petty and small-minded and want to argue every single point. So overall, yes, I definitely agree that I am a phlegmatic. However, let's get specific.
Here's what founder of Mediation Works North and divorce counsellor Lois Warner had to say about phlegmatics:
"The phlegmatic personality is low-key, easygoing and relaxed. (This is how I live my life. I love the idea of being "low-key". Not that I want to keep flying under the radar - that's not it - it's just that limelight has never been that big an attraction for me, and the longer I can avoid it, the happier I am. It's why I'm happiest when I'm in the back row of the choir and why I'm most freaked out when our very choleric choir leader keeps sticking me in the front row!) They are patient, well-balanced and calm. They usually have a consistent and well-balanced lifestyle. While they are quiet, they are also possess a witty sense of humor. They are sympathetic and kindhearted. They are content in almost any surrounding or circumstance and go with the flow of life. They have a calming disposition in times of trouble. They are not open about their emotions and are not quick to express their true feelings -- mainly because they do not want to hurt another's feelings. They do not like feeling vulnerable by exposing their own thoughts without trusting first. (I'm a very closed book in many ways. Only those closest to me will know when something is bothering me, and it won't be something I share with any great ease. Again, not for any other reason than I don't want to be a bother.)
The phlegmatic will take time for others and is not hurried. (Mmmmm.... not sure I'd agree with that. I hate being late for anything, and I get flustered if I'm starting to run late. Arriving at 8.32 in the office is enough to set me off in a series of heartfelt apologies. It might only be two minutes to everyone else, but it might as well have been 2 hours as far as I'm concerned. And then, you haven't seen me run around on a Sunday morning!!! Nothing laid back about life then!) They are very patient with children and make wonderful parents. They can take the good with the bad and do not easily become upset. (True) They are competent, steady, peaceful and agreeable. (I do my best) They oftentimes possess excellent administrative ability. (Well .. do I really need to say more???) They are natural born mediators and work well under pressure.
In a group setting, they are easy to get along with. They are excellent listeners with a dry sense of humor. (Oh, stop ... you're embarrassing me ...) They enjoy watching people and oftentimes have many friends. (There are a number of friends who will know that my favourite activity while I'm out and about is "people watching" and trying to make up a story of a person's life, judging by outward appearance, actions and body language. It's so much fun!) People are naturally drawn to them because of their accepting, easygoing nature. All-in-all, every group and every family would benefit from the stabilizing force of at least one phlegmatic!
If you have two phlegmatics in a house that caught fire they would each wait it out to see who gets off the couch first to call the fire department! If you have two phlegmatics on a working committee with a deadline approaching they would have difficulty deciding what needs to be done and both would avoid discussing the matter hoping it will go away. (I really don't think I have problems there - things have to get done. I don't battle to follow deadlines. They have to be met. I also get frustrated when other people seem to be less concerned for the deadline that I am!) A phlegmatic group needs the leadership of a strong choleric or a fussy melancholy. A phlegmatic person is the only type of personality that will tolerate these strong temperaments anyway. (The good thing is we are all a blend of temperaments to balance us all out!)
A phlegmatic temperament, in spite of the many wonderful characteristics can have its downside, like every temperament. They can be unenthusiastic and do not get revved up very easily. That can be very frustrating to the fireball, changeable sanguine temperament -- even though the balance of the phlegmatic is is exactly what a sanguine temperament needs. (Yes, I will take time to analyse a situation. Yes, until I've weighed up the pros and cons of a situation, I might seem a tad resistant, but only because I haven't fully weighed everything up first.)
A phlegmatic can become addicted to worry. They need assurance. (Yes. I can't deny that. My insomnia mostly has to do with something being on my mind, even subconsciously. In fact, if I'm not worrying about anything, that would worry me.) They can be resistant to change and that can make them indecisive and insecure in decisionmaking. They need a lot of encouragement, even though they appear secure and confident. Remember that they do not openly express their fears or their feelings. Be sensitive with a phlegmatic. Be as kind and considerate to them as they will be to you.
Depending on how strong the phlegmatic tendencies are, they will avoid taking on any more responsibility than needed. (Leadership, yes! Responsibility, no! I seem to have this involuntary arm spasm when it comes to volunteering. See, the problem is this. I know the job needs to get done, and when everyone else has made their excuse as to why they can't do it ... well ... what's a girl to do?? It does of course work to my detriment most of the time, but the job gets done. And Colin has a tough night ahead of debriefing and comforting a frazzled heap of emotions!) Again, they need to be encouraged to take on responsibility because they are very capable. Encourage and praise them.
Do not be totally fooled by their easygoing nature. They can possess a quiet will of iron that is as immovable as a rock. They can be very stubborn and never admit it. (Unfortunately, yes, I am EXTREMELY stubborn. It's probably my greatest fault; did I really just admit that??? Wow!) They can be self-righteous and a little selfish at times. They will try to place decision making responsibilities onto others. They can be judgmental, sarcastic, and teasing. (Being self-righteous, judgmental, cynical and selfish (with my emotions mainly - my possessions you can have!) comes easily for me. Being humble, forgiving, trusting and open takes a lot of effort. When Paul talks about offering ourselves as a living sacrifice in Romans 12, every time I share how I'm feeling, trust me, that's a little sacrifice right there!)
They have difficulty setting goals and can lack self-motivation. (Goal-setting is my worst! I'm dreading anyone asking me what my main goal for 2012 is. I don't know!!! Just to be a better person in December than I was in January, I guess!) They can be difficult to get moving and they deeply resent being pushed. (The stubborn gene kicks in) They would much rather watch than be the active participant. (It's so much more fascinating!)
If you are blessed with a phlegmatic child, realize that they need direct and positive motivation. Do not expect them to respond in immediate enthusiasm. It is not part of their nature. (I'll get there - just let me weigh up the pros and the cons. Put it this way, I'd be a lousy theatre nurse) Instead of pushing or judging, help them set goals and provide them with benchmark rewards.
While you may need to force a phlegmatic person to make a decision out of necessity, do not push them to make a decision and then blame them if it does not work out. This is very detrimental to a phlegmatic's self-esteem. They have a sensitive ego, but they will never let you see that you have hurt it. (Story of my teenage years, and I think all elephants are phlegmatic - we just really battle to forget). Remember that their quiet easygoing temperament makes them easy targets. Be careful not to take advantage of them. (Sadly, those that take advantage are mostly those that don't bother with this kind of stuff or get to know the person they're walking over).
In conflict, do not accept their first "no", but continue to show them the confidence you have in their ability to lead or make sound decisions once motivated. Give them time and a little space to adjust to new changes and provide them with information and encouragement to help them sort through decisions. Appreciate their kind and even disposition. Appreciate that they will not make hasty decisions and have excellent, well-balanced problem solving abilities."
So that's me - easy-going, take-me-or-leave-me, unobtrusive little me. And you're welcome to disagree. In honesty, I'd welcome the debate.
Well, if I can find the energy to debate, that is. I mean .... can't we all just get along????
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| All God's creatures gotta take a nap sometime! |
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